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BloodRayne,
the movie review...
Well you know something's not right
when a movie that you've been waiting years for sneaks into town with
little or no fanfare. In fact, unless you were looking hard for it, you
would never know it had arrived here on January the 6th. No advertisements
in the paper, nothing. Hmmm, this wasn't a good sign. Our next indication
that this might not be the movie that would rival Star Wars Episode III
for box office domination was that several of our friends (including Lady
Octavia) went to see it before we got a chance and said (this is a quote),
"Makes sure that you pay as little money to see it as possible."
Ok, strike two.
Undaunted, the staff from Babes with Blades dug deep into our petty cash
account and even deeper into our sofa cushions and came up with enough
spare change to take everyone to a private matinee showing today and all we can
say is... well, it's OK, kinda. (Strike three.)
This is supposed to be a prequel to the first BloodRayne game and to
introduce you to her origins. For the curious, Rayne is a Dhympir, a
cross between human and vampire... kind of like Blade. This time she's out
to off her vampire poppa and his assorted minions with the help of the
Brimstone society. The action sequences are fairly well blocked out, but
the rapid cuts and camera moves blur everything into a red, spurting mess.
The acting itself is, well, I'm sure there was some in there somewhere, perhaps
we missed it when we went back to the concession stand for more popcorn.
Now, as for the blades that were flashed about... what were they thinking?
They look just like what they are, stamped out of aluminum and duller than
a butter knife. Rayne's first set of swords look to be a bit more like the
ones used by the character, Kroenen, in HellBoy. At least they had a bit
of style and when you see her second set for the first time you notice
that they look about as sharp and pointy as the blunt edged scissors they
gave you in your first grade art class. Major disappointment. At least the
swords they used in the training scene looked like blades actually used
for that purpose, with dents, dings and chips missing from the edges.
Now, if I may use the review style made popular by the great Joe Bob
Brigs, Drive-In Movie reviewer extraordinaire...
No acting to get in the way of the
plot and no plot to get in the way of the story. For that matter, no real
story to get in the way of the movie.
Heads roll.
Arms roll.
Legs roll.
Two fifty-five gallon drums of fake blood spewed and sprayed all over the
sets.
Gratuitous MeatLoaf in way too much make up.
Gratuitous vampire blood orgy scene.
Gratuitous dhampir / human ardvarking in a dungeon.
Five breasts, including one set from Kristanna Loken in the afore
mentioned advarking scene.
Our staff gives it three and a half
stars (out of ten). Go see it at the matinee showing to save a few dollars
to be better spent on the popcorn.
Now...
If you find all of this a bit
depressing (as did we) you can take a bit of comfort in the fact that we
here at Babes with Blades would never miss an opportunity or a theme for
another photo-shoot. We've been planning all along and working with the
sword crafters of the Wild Wolf Forge to customize a set of blades just
for this purpose. We are temporarily calling them, "The Twins"
and are trying hard not to follow Skippy's suggestion to call them
"Mary Kate" and "Ashley". Well no matter what name
they eventually receive, I think you will agree that these blades will
have a great number of photo-sets in their future!
These photo sets are now up!
(yea!!)
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